The Age of Disconnect

We live in the age of disconnect. Cell phones, internet, social networking, technologies designed for the purpose of bringing people together are subtly tearing us apart. (Many readers, who like myself, spend far too much time playing with their smart phone and fiddling on Facebook, are already thinking of a rebuttal to this post).

This epiphany came to me after a four hour long experience with T-mobile’s customer service. In this time I had to re-explain my situation three times as I was juggled between employees, I was called a liar—or told that my wife is a liar rather—and ended the conversation with nothing resolved and my Saturday afternoon wasted. At some point in the conversation I asked the person his name which he said he couldn’t give (yet he had all my information right there in front of him) and I filed a complaint (the only form of accountability I could think of). Once the conversation ended I vented to my wife for an hour and am just starting to cool down as I sit to write this post. Would I have been treated this way if I were talking to this person face-to-face? I’m sure we’ve all had an experience similar to the one I just described.

Studies have shown that a person’s personality changes when they are wearing a mask. My parents would never let me wear masked Halloween costumes and I had to settle for the Batman costume that looked more like a bonnet. Masks are no longer limited to costumes and the new villains are people like telemarketers and cyber bullies.

I watched a really good movie recently called Up in the Air. You may have seen it, George Clooney, 2009 best picture nomination? The main character is one of those old timers who is disconnected the old fashioned way: leaving home on business trips and accumulating frequent flyer miles. His job is to fly all around the country to lay people off. His company has decided to meld into the digital age. A young woman, fresh out of college, spear heads a new development in which the employees no longer have to travel, but instead lay people off through online video chat. Could you imagine being fired by some stranger on the internet?! Now that’s disconnect. I won’t spoil the rest of the movie for anyone (it’s lovely), but thought this transition between the old way of being disconnected and our new way was profound.

Where is our brave new world headed (yeah I just used the title of this blog to cheese-ify this post)? I notice that my online interactions can very easily take a wrong turn as strangers argue about touchy subjects like politics, religion, and basketball (I guess it’s redundant to mention basketball having already mentioned religion). Will the World of Warcraft turn out to be a foreshadow of our future? Or are movies like Avatar or Surrogates better indicators?

Let’s do ourselves a favor and turn these trends around. We can rebuild our social capital by getting to know our neighbors, limiting our time on social networking sites, or giving someone a hug. I tend to believe that small changes, while inconvenient, can go a long way.

 

After note: Melanie called customer service and got the whole mess resolved within half an hour. Does that discredit this whole idea? Haha, at least I feel better.

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Analyzing life’s fears…

In five months I will sit in on my first medical school lecture and officially begin my professional education. This thought is both exhilarating and terrifying. I am excited to take my education to the next level, to apply my scientific background to the art of practicing medicine. I am also terrified at the idea of eventually cutting somebody open, allowing people to put trust in me knowing their lives are in my hands. Can I, with good conscience, cut somebody open and have the confidence that they will actually come out better in the end? At times these thoughts overwhelm my mind, causing me to doubt the reasons I am going into the well-protected field of medicine.
This is not the first time that these types of thoughts have bounced around in my head. When called to learn the Hmong language I often found myself doubting I would ever actually understand what was spoken, or be able to articulate with power what my heart desired to communicate. At Brigham Young University I often doubted my abilities when a subject would come slow to me, or when I would feel the impending doom of an upcoming exam. I feel similar feelings when I think about the future, having a child, and being expected to raise him well. Life is scary and often we measure ourselves as inadequate when standing in front of our challenges.
I would guess everyone feels this way, nobody excluded. Even the heroes of history are human like you and I. I think on the continuum between gifted and maladroit, most of who history has deemed ‘geniuses’ lie somewhere in the middle. I read a book called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. Gladwell’s thesis is that the most successful people are not gifted in the sense we usually think, that challenges aren’t somehow less difficult for them. Geniuses, instead, are molded by their environments, chance playing more of a role than God-given talent. Gladwell describes the rule of 10,000 hours. He says that people such as Bill gates or the Beatles all had to practice for at least 10,000 hours in order to reach the status they achieved. Bill Gates had a unique opportunity to get many hours of computer programming experience at a time when even college students studying computer science didn’t have the type of access Bill did. The Beatles played all-day shows for years, getting hours upon hours of stage experience before they finally made it big. While I question whether or not the hour amount can be quantified, I agree with Gladwell that the environments these people created for themselves led to their success. What sets these people apart from others isn’t necessarily talent, but their ability to practice and get valuable experience.
In a book I am currently reading about surgery, Atul Gawande says,

The most important talent may be the talent of practice itself. K Anders Ericsson, a cognitive psychologist and expert on performance, notes that the most important way in which innate factors play a role may be in one’s willingness to engage in sustained training. He’s found, for example, that top performers dislike practicing just as much as others do. (That’s why, for example, athletes and musicians usually quit practicing when they retire.) But for more than others, they have the will to keep at it anyway.

I find these ideas fascinating. In my own experience, I rarely feel that I have any sort of natural advantage over my peers. What has separated me from others is my willingness to work, to study for hours on end, to read books and get involved in activities relevant to my field of interest. At times, I do feel like I understand things better than many of my classmates, but attribute this to my experience reservoir and not to natural ability. While many people go off during the summer and sell security systems I work long hours at a nursing home. While many students use their free time to do anything that isn’t related to school, I follow a reaction’s progress I started in my lab or read a book about evolution and medicine. Another key to success is to expend energies on things that are of the most value. An undergraduate must work, so why not find a job relevant to your field? An avid reader must read, so why not choose books relevant to what you will study this semester in class? By choosing activities of high value, I have learned some valuable lessons in patient care, critical thinking, and have made countless boneheaded mistakes in the process. Experience is what produces greatness. This is the key to my successes in the classroom and the most relevant tool I will bring with me this year as I begin my first year of medical school.
Worthy challenges seem impossible when first confronted. At one time the Hmong language was impossible in my mind, but I just spent the last week in the mountains of Thailand conversing freely with hilltribe people. Everything I have accomplished in my life, from pen tricks and guitar licks to scoring well on the MCAT, is due to the fact that I don’t ever give up. Once you recognize that the impossible can be overcome, you will take on bigger and more intimidating challenges. In this way greatness is accomplished. I believe I will become a great physician someday and will heal many people, but there is much to experience before that day comes.

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Altruism

Altruism is self-sacrifice which individuals perform for a cause greater than themselves. These actions often are done despite great personal risk. As such, altruism is a characteristic of much intrigue in science, since at face value it seems to be inconsistent with natural selection. From an evolutionary stand point, one could predict that such altruistic traits would be selected against. Oddly, this doesn’t seem to be the case. Something must reinforce this type of behavior. I believe the driving force behind altruism is to better the world around you. A prime example of altruism is seen in the life of George Frideric Handel. The work defining Handel’s life was Messiah, his most famous piece, yet, Handel didn’t accept a cent of payment for his masterpiece. He donated everything to an orphanage. Interestingly, altruistic acts are not seen to be inconvenient, but a responsibility one shares with the world around them. Perhaps evolution’s hand is at play then, since helpful service would increase the fitness of a species overall.

In my own life I have found great satisfaction in giving of myself to others in need. I did so in a dramatic fashion serving a full-time two year mission for my church. That instilled within me a spirit of charitable service. Later I discovered what that meant in real life. As an undergraduate preparing for medical school, it is easy to fill you time with self-serving activities. These selfish acts can be draining. It is important to have an avenue with which you can escape your own interests and focus on helping others. For the past eight months I have tutored Gerardo, a Mexican gentleman in his late thirties. Meeting twice a week for a couple hours, Gerardo and I study English reading and writing. I have been impressed with Gerardo’s desire to succeed and provide a better living for his wife and children. He recognizes the need to read and write proficiently in English as a tool to better succeed in America. His drive to learn has pushed me to teach him the best that I can. Since the time that we started meeting he has progressed immensely. Being part of this man’s life has been rewarding to me and I enjoy our visits each week. By helping Gerardo realize his own dreams, I find myself more motivated to work towards my own. As one so often finds, my attempt to serve selflessly has ironically given my own life more joy and meaning.

While my desire to serve others comes from my Christian upbringing, I am quite confident that altruism is a consistent personality trait seen across the board. The English poet John Donne observed that “no man is an island. entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” Mankind is connected. One person's actions has an influence on others. This profound insight is telling of man’s desire to help one another. Within each of us is contained an acknowledgment that life is bigger than just one person. In order for society to function properly we must fulfill our responsibilities one to another.

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A thought on life...

I just went out with Melanie and watched confessions of a shopaholic. Surprisingly, the movie was great. It led me to some self reflection as we were driving home, mainly because the parents of the main character were so much like my own. My parents are very frugal in the way they conduct their financial affairs. Garage sales supplied me with my clothes, duct tape was frequently seen in repairs all over the house, the heater has never been turned on instead loads of wood would be put into the fireplace etc. These types of things were extremely embarrassing to me when I was young. I remember my friends would come over and make mocking remarks about our families decision to not spend money the way their families did. How glad I am now that I was sheltered from the world of showing off your wealth. It's so sad that so many people measure their worth, their success, and their happiness on material possessions. The father in the movie said it best what he said the only things in his life that defines him is his wife and his daughter. A person's house, car, clothes or anything like that do not describe the quality of their life. There is so much more to life than that. Don't go into debt, instead invest time into those things that really do define a person.

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Meditation XVII by John Donne

PERCHANCE he for whom this bell tolls may be so ill as that he knows not it tolls for him. And perchance I may think myself so much better than I am, as that they who are about me, and see my state, may have caused it to toll for me, and I know not that. The church is catholic, universal, so are all her actions; all that she does, belongs to all. When she baptizes a child, that action concerns me; for that child is thereby connected to that head which is my head too, and ingraffed into that body, whereof I am a member. And when she buries a man, that action concerns me; all mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated; God employs several translators; some pieces are translated by age, some by sickness, some by war, some by justice; but God's hand is in every translation, and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again, for that library where every book shall lie open to one another; as therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come; so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness.

There was a contention as far as a suit (in which, piety and dignity, religion and estimation, were mingled) which of the religious orders should ring to prayers first in the morning; and it was determined, that they should ring first that rose earliest. If we understand aright the dignity of this bell, that tolls for our evening prayer, we would be glad to make it ours, by rising early, in that application, that it might be ours as well as his, whose indeed it is. The bell doth toll for him, that thinks it doth; and though it intermit again, yet from that minute, that that occasion wrought upon him, he is united to God. Who casts not up his eye to the sun when it rises? But who takes off his eye from a comet, when that breaks out? who bends not his ear to any bell, which upon any occasion rings? But who can remove it from that bell, which is passing a piece of himself out of this world?

No man is an island. entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

Neither can we call this a begging of misery, or a borrowing of misery, as though we were not miserable enough of ourselves, but must fetch in more from the next house, in taking upon us the misery of our neighbors. Truly it were an excusable covetousness if we did; for affliction is a treasure, and scarce any man hath enough of it. No man hath afflicion enough, that is not matured and ripened by it, and made fit for God by that affliction. If a man carry treasure in bullion or in a wedge of gold, and have none coined into current moneys, his treasure will not defray him as he travels. Tribulation is treasure in the nature of it, but it is not current money in the use of it, except we get nearer and nearer our home, heaven, by it. Another may be sick too, and sick to death, and this affliction may lie in his bowels, as gold in a mine, and be of no use to him; but this bell that tells me of his affliction, digs out, and applies that gold to me: if by this consideration of another's danger, I take mine own into contemplation, and so secure myself, by making my recourse to my God, who is our only security.

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Enjoy Life

An old Taoist parable describes a certain type of person.

There was a man who disliked seeing his footprints and his shadow. He decided to escape from them, and began to run. But as he ran along, more footprints appeared, while his shadow easily kept up with him. Thinking he was going too slowly, he ran faster and faster without stopping, until he finally collapsed from exhaustion and died.

If he had stood still, there would have been no footprints. If he had rested in the shade, his shadow would have disappeared.

I recently read a book called the Tao of Pooh. Benjamin Hoff describes this person in a chapter entitled Bisy Backson. “The Bisy Backson is always going somewhere, somewhere he hasn’t been. Anywhere but where he is.” Where is he going? Perhaps he is looking for something? But what is it that he’s looking for? Perhaps a reward is his destination, some grandiose prize as payment for all his efforts. “Whether it’s up in the sky, behind the next molecule, or in the executive suite, it’s somewhere always farther along than we are-just down the road, on the other side of the world, past the moon, beyond the stars…” They are always working, but not enjoying. They live for what comes next; failing to observe what is already there. They live for tomorrow and fail to take pleasure in today. Professor Harold Hill in Meredith Wilson’s The Music Man, warned, “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.”

Is life’s purpose to attain eternal life? What does that mean? Is our purpose right now to get ahead in temporal affairs? Is it to get a job and accumulate capital? In my observations and during my times of self-reflection I have noticed that the greatest joys in life don’t come from destinations, but on the pathways that lead to them. Life is all about the process. Even the afterlife is a journey, to live and progress. God himself is still enjoying the process as he watches His children learn and grow. The point I am trying to get across is that we need to not let life pass us by looking forward to tomorrow. As a student it’s easy to think of how great it will be when I finally finish medical school and become a doctor. As a missionary sometimes you think of how great it will be when you finally know the language. When you work everyday you think of how great it will be when you’re able to retire. This is fine, except satisfaction never comes. There’s always going to be more to achieve, more words to know to perfect the language, more assets you can attain, more promotions available at work, etc. When I got home from my mission I remember thinking about how completely awesome the whole experience was and I wanted more than anything to go back, even just for a moment.

In April’s first presidency message there is a great story which illustrates these thoughts

Elder Monte J. Brough, formerly of the Seventy, tells of a summer at his childhood home in Randolph, Utah, when he and his younger brother, Max, decided to build a tree house in a large tree in the backyard. They made plans for the most wonderful creation of their lives. They gathered building materials from all over the neighborhood and carried them up to a part of the tree where two branches provided an ideal location for the house. It was difficult, and they were anxious to complete their work. The vision of the finished tree house provided tremendous motivation for them to complete the project.

They worked all summer, and finally in the fall just before school began, their house was completed. Elder Brough said he will never forget the feelings of joy and satisfaction which were theirs when they finally were able to enjoy the fruit of their work. They sat in the tree house, looked around for a few minutes, climbed down from the tree—and never returned. The completed project, as wonderful as it was, could not hold their interest for even one day. In other words, the process of planning, gathering, building, and working—not the completed project—provided the enduring satisfaction and pleasure they had experienced.

Enjoy life today, enjoy the work, enjoy the study, and enjoy the experience!

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Annoyance turns to Appreciation

It doesn't feel good to dislike somebody. Unfortunately some people really bug me. I’ve been thinking about this a little bit and have come to a few conclusions.

There is a primary effect that transpires anytime two people meet for the first time. It is during this time frame that you develop a schema in your mind as to what the other person is like. Unfortunately, this initial cognitive construct is hard to change completely; we usually make little adjustments to it as more experiences unfold. If somebody has a negative primary effect on you then that person will automatically occupy a negative position in you mind.

The next factor in this thought of mine is what psychologists call the fundamental attribution error (FAE). When measuring another's actions we, as people, tend to over-emphasize dispositional factors and under-emphasize situational factors. When somebody does something that offends me I attribute those actions to the other persons inner personality traits and judge that person as mean. Let's say this person is a man who just got fired from his job right before I met him. In this extreme example that person's reason for being grumpy and offensive towards me had no indication at all of the type of person he is normally, but I construct a negative schema of this person anyway. Consequently I dislike that person from that point on. The interesting thing is that when we assess our selves we never fall victim to this fundamental attribution error, in fact we do just the opposite and over-emphasize situational factors and put little emphasis on our disposition, "I was rude because I just lost my job."

You can quickly see how inaccurate our own perceptions of people can become. Someone who bugs me all the time may not have ever bugged me had they been in a better situation when I first met them. There's an old French proverb that I learned while studying the Hmong language which states "to know all is to forgive all." I love this idea! If I knew another person's situation like I know my own, then the situational factors predominate and forgiveness becomes easy. This brings about an idea that people are generally good, but at times do bad things due to environmental influence. Whether this idea is true or not is unimportant, believing it can help us better love others.

Another fallacy in our thinking process is the idea of a just world. This makes us think that the poor are poor for a reason and the rich are rich for a reason. It's this idea that motivates us to go to school and work hard, feeling that a just world will repay us for our efforts. While this is a comforting thought, it discounts people who have situational factors denying them opportunities to grow and progress. People that come form inner-city areas, that were born with less than attractive physical features, people with physical or mental handicaps, and hundreds of other misfortunes are at a disadvantage in this "just" world. In our little LDS community we, at times erroneously assume the rich are rich for being righteous and the poor are poor because of sin.

All it takes is a little bit of effort to get past these barriers in our thinking. Hold off judging people until you have had a few opportunities to filter out any negative situational distortions. Get to know someone better, especially those who bug you, and let your understanding of that person expand; forgiveness easily and quickly follows. As we do this those feelings of dislike will diminish, displaced by appreciation and understanding.

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Re-discovering Strength

Ok, so I'm not the biggest exercise enthusiast, in fact you will rarely see me outside of the house jogging for fun but, an experience I had this week made me think about the lethargic condition I am in as a college student and quite possibly a condition in which everyone living in developed countries resides. We have forgotten the benefit of work. Machines or other people do things for us that we ourselves are more than capable of doing; performing some of these tasks may even prove essential for our personal growth and development.

The other day, after finishing a days work in the chemistry lab, I was anxious to get home. My lab is on the top floor of the chemistry building and so as usual I used the elevator. As I stood in the elevator compartment watching the numbers slowly approach floor one, there was an interruption. A beep sounded, then a stop on floor two. The door opened and there waiting was a woman not much older than me and not in the best physical shape. She stepped into the elevator and joined me descending to a common destination. She got off and went her way and I went mine. I realized that I was a little upset for the short delay I had experienced because of this woman's choice to not walk DOWN one flight of stairs. Is it really that strenuous to take the stairs when only ambulating one floor!? Not only was I shocked at her indolence, but also the fact that a very short delay upset me. I wasn't even in a hurry.

I was the victim of a lifestyle that a lot of people live, that is I avoided any energy expenditure that wasn't absolutely necessary. I resolved never to use the elevator again when I'm at work. My lab is only on the fourth floor, yet to get there by stairs concludes with me struggling to catch my breathe. This week I have done that and feel not only empowered for not having play the waiting game after pressing the up/down button, but I also feel better physically and spiritually. I strongly encourage anyone and everyone reading this to come up with a way or two that you can rely less on technology and more on yourself to get simple tasks done. Something as simple as using the stairs can give you the physical nurture your body and spirit have been deprived. Re-discover the strength you gain from physical labor and liberate yourself from walking the path of least resistance.

-Aaron Butler March 18th 2008

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